Thursday, March 31, 2011

Two Pink Lines

L is going to be a big brother! Gosh, I feel like I've been keeping this secret forever, even though really I'll only be 10 weeks on Saturday! We found out when I was just over 4 week and were planning on trying to keep it a secret until 12 weeks. Well, anyone who knows me knows that I am probably the worlds worst secret keeper, and as of yesterday the cat is officially out of the bag. Hey, I think making it to almost 10 weeks is pretty good!

Anyway, I'm going to be updating and posting a lot of pictures throughout the pregnancy, something I wish I had done with L, but for now I want to share the post I wrote about 5 minutes after the test came back positive and that has been sitting in my drafts ever since. I really wanted to remember exactly how excited I was and how happy (especially as the morning sickness and tiredness set in!)

So here we go!

February 22nd, 2011
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Two pink lines. It came back positive. It came back positive! I feel like jumping up and down and shrieking with happiness and shouting it from the highest mountain tops, but I can't. First off, I'm at work. Second off, I have yet to even tell me husband. Third, we agreed that when we do get pregnant this time we are going to try to wait until the end of the first trimester to tell people. Right. I will tell you right now, I highly doubt that will happen. When I found out I was pregnant last time, I had told just about everyone within the first hour. When we talked about trying again this time, we decided we should keep it quite so that it would be easier not to tell until later in the pregnancy. I think just about everyone within a hundred mile radius knows that we were trying to get pregnant, thanks to yours truly. Serious, I've told everyone from my hairdresser, our friends, the makeup lady at the MAC counter, the cashier at the grocery store.... you say a name, I've probably told them. I can't help it, I'm excited and I just find ways to drop it into conversation. Like "Yes, just take an inch of the bottom and I think I'm going to get bangs today. By the way, guess what? We're going to try to have another baby!" Needless to say, I've kind of been driving S crazy.
Anyway, have I mentioned the test came back positive? ?!?!?! We decided to go off birth control right at the end of December, and for some reason I had it in my head that we would have a positive pregnancy test by January 2nd. I fully realize that that is not actually even possible. It was a completely irrational thought, although, really, logical hadn't always been my strong suite. Anyway, through the month of January I drove myself crazy, taking pregnancy test after pregnancy test. My period actually ended up being about 10 days late, and I really think it is because I stressed myself out so much. Each negative test felt like a punch in the gut to me, and the day my period came I was in tears. I think I just thought because L happened so quickly and when we least expected it, we would automatically get pregnant again right away when the time came. After January S made me promise I wouldn't put myself (and him) through that again. I agreed and I promised I wouldn't even think about taking another test until my birthday (which is tomorrow, the 23rd) at the very, very earliest. And I kept that promise, refraining from buying tests, even though I tried to argue to myself it would be good to get one just so I had it handy when it came time to take it. I avoided the temptation all together. But for some reason this morning I just woke up with a feeling. I felt like it was time. So even though I had promised S I would wait at least one more day, I stopped at Fry's on my way in to work. It was only about 7 AM and the cashier gave me kind of a weird look that I was buying only a pregnancy test, and to be honest despite the fact that I am married and already have a child, part of me felt like a teenager and I wanted to hide the test under a magazine and avoid eye contact. And when I got to work I took the test and my cell phone (for a timer) to the bathroom and took it. And as I waited the full three minutes I prepared myself for it to be negative. I didn't want to give myself hope and then feel the let down that I had last month. I told myself it was probably to early to even get a positive result, even if I was pregnant. I told myself that we had only been trying for about a month and a half and it was totally OK if it hadn't happened yet. I promised myself a big glass of wine tonight when it was negative. And when I finally looked down it took me about a full 30 seconds to register what I was seeing. TWO. PINK. LINES. And then I did about 5 double takes. And then a did a mini victory dance. And then I realized I had been in the bathroom for about 7 minutes and my colleagues might be starting to wonder if I fell in or something. So I wrapped the test in a paper towel (I was so not ready to just throw it out yet)  and made my way back to my desk, trying to hide my huge smile.
I'm so happy. I'm so, so so happy. I can't believe we are going to be adding another baby to our family. We are going to be parents of two. I can't wait to get home and put L in his "I'm the big brother" t-shirt that I bought him last month, just for this occasion (and hid from S) and wait for S to get home and notice. Although, let's be honest, he is a man. And so while I'm imaging him walking in a immediately noticing L's new shirt and what it says and then swelling up with pride and happiness and spinning me around, most likely he won't even notice and I'll finally have to say something like "ahem, have you noticed L new shirt? Did you read it?"
And even though I'm writing this about 30 minutes after I saw those two pink lines, this post will be saved in the drafts and I'll publish it when we decide to tell the world. That could be in 8 weeks (by my calculations I'm about 4 weeks along right now, with a due date of about October 29th.) or tomorrow. We will see how long I last. But I wanted to write this now, while it fresh and my feelings and thoughts and emotions are present. Oh, and have I mentioned.... I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!

Here's a picture I took that night, my "four week bump!"

1 comment:

  1. Many CONGRATS to you and yours!!!
    How exciting, I can not wait for all the updates and pictures. I am just thrilled!!!