Saturday, August 28, 2010

Girls Weekend

(Disclaimer:  This post was actually written about 6 days ago, but a series of life events (hello, step throat!) and me just plain being lazy has made it so I am just now actually publishing it today. Please pretend you are reading it last Wednesday to get the full effect!)

What a weekend. For the first time in almost a year (really more then a year if you count the time I was pregnant) I switched out my mommy hat for my party hat. One of my best girlfriends from college is going to be getting married and we had her bachelorette party this past weekend. To be honest, I was pretty torn about going. On one hand, I was so excited for a weekend of good, quality girl time, but on the other hand, it was my first time ever away from L. But, armed with promises from S to send me lots of pictures and call me if the slightest thing went wrong, and after smothering L with more kisses then he has ever received, I packed my bag and headed out to Scottsdale for a weekend of tanning by the pool, manicures and pedicures, fruity drinks in darkly lit bars and reminiscing about our days in college.

I'm not going to lie, on more then one occasion my eyes teared up when I called S and heard L cooing in the background, however I also knew that this was going to be some great father-son bonding time for my two favorite boys. And despite some guilt from being gone all weekend, I had a blast. It's easy to forget, in our hectic everyday schedule of diapers and bottles and cuddles and comforting an upset babe, the girl I used to be. And that girl was fun, let me tell you.  So this past weekend I threw on a bikini and laughed and gossiped (not in a malicious way, of course) and read juicy gossip magazine. We danced and sang loudly along to the songs that reminded us of the days when our biggest worries were getting to class on time in the morning and what our plans were on Friday night. We ate pizza and drank beer. We shared makeup and did smokey eyes on each other and fixed each others hair, remembering those days when we would always get ready together in our sorority house before we went out.

We told embarrassing stories about the stupid things that we did when we were younger and we re-strengthened those bonds that made us each others best friends back in the day.

There were also cute ""bachelorette party" shirts that were made for us to wear when we hit the town on Saturday night, and I traded in my usual flip flops for a killer pair of heels. I felt pretty, and young and carefree. I'm so glad I went.

We even had a chance run in with Elvis (and here I thought he was dead?) which made just about everyones night.

And on Sunday I returned home, feeling as though I had been gone for weeks on end. When L saw me he got a huge smile on his face and toddled towards me, all unsteady and adorable. I think he missed me just as much as I missed him. And I realized that although it is so much fun to escape for a weekend and pretend to be in my early twenties without a care in the world, L and S were never far from my mind. And I wouldn't change my life of mommyhood and being a wife and diapers and babies who are learning how to walk and the crankiness that comes along with teething for all the fruity drinks or days at the pool or nights out dancing in the world.

And, in other exciting news, parents and my sister and brother-in-law and their two sons are in town for the week visiting. My nephews are 3 and 5 and L is having the time of his life getting roughhouse and play with the two "big kids". Expect a big post on that with lots and lots of pictures at the end of this week!

Monday, August 16, 2010

A blogging Award!

As I started my Monday morning at work, blurry eyed, a little cranky and coffee in hand, I did what i usually do before I open my email, start checking voicemails, and in general start actually working: I concurrently opened my email, facebook, and blogger. Hey, what can I say, sometimes I need a little procrastination to get me going in the morning.

So, after deleting a bunch of spam, posting a status update about my distaste towards most of my states politicians, and finishing my coffee, I logged into my blog account to find a welcome, unexpected and probably undeserved surprise.

I've been nominated for a blogging award!

How cool is this? My friend Ali, who writes baby feet and baby steps nominated me. Truthfully, it was her blog, which I started reading while I was preggo with L, that inspired me to start my blog. I loved the idea of having a diary to remember these days of baby cuddles and crying and mishaps and laughter by.

So, apparently, here is how is works:

Thank the person who nominated you:
Thank you, Ali! You gave me the confidence to start this blog in the first place ,and it feels really good to know someone out there is reading it!

Write 7 things about yourself:
1. I have weird obsessions with food. I hate for any food on my plate to touch and when I find a food I like I have a tendency to want to eat that, and only that, ALL THE TIME. Pregnancy was wonderful because it gave me the excuse to have these  weird food tendencies, and people that it was endearing instead of annoying.
2. My son and husband are the two most important people in my life. If I were stranded on a desert island I would be fine as long as both of them were with me.
3. I love the feeling I get from working out. I try to get in at least 4-5 days a week, running 3-4 miles, Pilate's and yoga.
4. I am, by nature, a messy and somewhat lazy person. I would rather lie on the couch watching movies then clean our house, and while I love the feeling of a clean and organized house, I wish I wasn't the one who actually had to do the work.
5. I moved away from home when I was 18, and it was the best decision of my life. I love my family and my parents, but I also love that I am independent and left home when it was really scary to do so. I am also proud of myself that I never went back, even when things got tough.
6. I love reality TV. Seriously, the more fake, the better. I was sad when the hills ended, I pine for the days of Laguna Beach, and I live for the Real Housewives.
7. I use to consider myself the life of the party, the one who was always ready to go out, always ready for a party and always wanted to be surrounded by tons of people, but these days I am much more content with a glass of wine, a good movie or and episode of "Glee" and cuddling on the couch with my hubby and my son.

Pass on the award to 5 bloggers you've recently discovered:

I honestly don't have 5 people that I follow right now, which is kind of sad. but I have 3 that I can name of the top of my head. (I would nominate Ali, but she nominated me, and I feel like that would just start a never ending game of back and forth!)

Crystal from Our Blessing From Above: Maxwell David
Kelly from Enjoying the Small Things
Kendal from Shades of Red

So, thanks again and make sure to check out these lovely ladies blogs!

Monday, August 9, 2010

The breakup

Disclaimer: If you are not a mama, this post will probably be, in no way, relatable to you. If talk of breastfeeding, pumping and/or breastmilk makes you uncomftable, I suggest skipping this one! However, as this blog is a place for all the adventure of mommyhood, here we go.


I have broken up with my breastpump. After weeks off going back and forth, I finally put my foot down, gave her the old "It's not you, it's me" speech, and bid her goodbye.

When I was pregnant with L I was so excited by the prospect of breastfeeding, and also incredibly intemidated. I had heard so many horror stories about how hard it was, how painful it was, how babies sometimes wouldn't latch. But, I knew this was something I wanted to do, so I made myself a deal.

"3 months" I told myself, "You just have to make it three months."

Three months came and went, and I was elated. Breastfeeding? This was easy! I was practically a pro, a nursing guru. It was like I had been doing it for years. L and I had had no problems, we were a winning team,  and I'm not going to lie, I was more than a little smug. 3 months was no problem, so with a newfound confidenceand a cute new nursing cover, I set my sights on 6 months.

It was around this time that we slowly started introducing L to the bottle. He was still exlusivly on breatmilk, however I was now pumping several times a day, including at work, so that he could have my milk when he was a daycare and also so Daddy could give him a bottle at night. And this was when the cracks in mine and pumping/nursings relationship began to form. While the joy and closeness of feeding my child was still 100% there, and I still felt slightly superior when I sat down to nurse with the knowledge that my child was not getting formula. But, there were some complaints, and they pretty much all revolved around that blasted pump. I hated having to drop everything, especially when I was at work, to go spend 20 minutes pumping, I hated the constant assembly and dissasembly and cleaning of all the little parts, I hated having to plan my day around being able to pump, and mostly, I hated feeling like a cow hooked up to a milking machine.

I also started to put a lot of pressure on myself to keep up with how much L was eating. I was worried that I wasn't pumping enough to keep him satisfied, so I would start staying up late, or even waking up in the middle of the night so I could get up and pump. Finally, I couldn't keep up with how much he is eating, so, with guilt and a heavy heart, we started supplementing some formula at night. He was still getting 99% breastmilk, but it he was still hungry at night after his first bottle, we would give him a second small bottle of formula. I felt guilty. Like a horrible mama, for giving him formula.

I made another deal with myself.

"Just make it to one year," I thought, "One year pumping and nursing and then you can stop pumping."

I was sure I could make it. L turns one year in just about six weeks, but this weekend I finally broke. I packed up the pump with mixed feelings of freedom and guilt. I'm still nursing him, but at daycare and at night he is now getting formula bottles. Have I mentioned I feel so guilty? I know it's silly, and it's not like I've stopped completely, but I really wanted to make it to a full year..... but on the other hand, I'm really happy that I finally made the decision and I think it's the right desicion for me. I'm not doing L any favors if I'm spending all my time trying to pump, and the rest of time beating myself up for not pumping enough.

So, that's it. The pump is going in the closet until another baby graces us with his/her presence, and at the point we will rekindle the romance. Until then, I am a free woman!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

We're walking!

Oh. My. Gosh. L took his first steps. My baby. My little baby, who it seems like just yesterday I brought home from the hospital, all swaddled up and pink and helpless. My baby who it seems like just yesterday he learned how to sit up, who learned how to roll over and was so proud of himself. My baby is walking! Well, let's be clear, he's not exactly running around in circles yet, and crawling is still his main method of transportation, but he can take several wobbly steps with no support. And he loves it. Seriously, this kid is not lacking in the self-esteem department, he is sooooo proud of himself.

There has been some disagreement in our household about the exact date of the first steps. S swears he saw him take a few unassisted on the 3rd, but I didn't see it till the 6th. Regardless though, he is doing it all the time now. He is getting especially good at walking while holding on to my hand, which really makes him seem like a big boy to me.

He was moving to fast and I was too busy being amazed by him to get any good pictures of him walking, but I will post some soon. promise. In the meantime, here is my big boy walking while holding my hand as we explored Barnes and Nobles.

In other news, although I have thoroughly enjoyed our last too weekends of rainstorms and movies and tucking into our house away from the world, we were all happy when the sun broke through and we were able to hit up the pool this weekend. L was the most excited, I think, to get back in his beloved water. I'm pretty sure he may have drank a good amount of pool water, but he was dipping his face in and blowing bubbles and splashing around. My child is definitely a water baby.

And I was pretty excited to have a chance to lay out, work on my tan and read a good book. I love, love, love all the time I get to spend with L during the week, but it is also nice to have a little mommy time when S is around.

And, as I head into my fourth week back at work, I realize, I'm ok. I really am. While my ultimate goal is still to be a stay at home mama, going back has re-affirmed to me a few thing: first of all, I have a great job and a great schedule and I am incredibly lucky to be able to work four days a week part time. Second, I really, truly enjoy my job. I like the people I work with , I love the kids ,and I even love most of the parents that I have to deal with. So, its back to work tomorrow and overall, I'm feeling lucky. I have a job that I enjoy, a family that I love more than anything and I get to spend weekends soaking up life with them . Yep, Life is pretty darn good right now.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Ups and Downs

Life has been a bit of a rollercoaster lately. Not big dips and drops and turns, but a constant stream up little ups and downs. For instance, me having to go back to work after my break was a down, but it was followed by a quick up when L transitioned so smoothly back into daycare. Money has been tight lately, which is a down, but I recieved a small raise which is an up. My car broke down and had to go into the shop for almost two weeks, which was a major down, but on the upside, we own a car that still runs, and that we don't owe any money on.

I know this doesn't sound like anything major. In fact, to quote the Darryl Worley song "Sounds like life to me" (you would have to be a country fan to get that reference). But, sometimes it gets me down. It feels like every time we get ahead something else knocks us down. Everytime we get some money saved up, or it seems like we have a plan set, something comes along and shakes everything up. And, being somewhat of a control freak, I don't like this. But sometimes, I've realized, you just have to give up that control and appreciate what you do have in life. We may not have money for a new car or new couches right now, but we have what we need. We may not be in a position to travel the world or take of on some great adventure, but we have a healthy and happy family and we have a home that we own and love. We may wish we could get out of Phoenix, but at least in Phoenix we have good friends and a support system.

So today, as the rain clouds roll in and Phoenix welcoms "Monsoon Season 2010" we are hunkering down in our house, getting cozy in sweats, layings blankets and pillows across the living room floor, and watching a Prison Break marathon with Mac and Cheese and some cold beer for lunch. Days like this, life seems perfect, like we are gliding along smoothly on the coaster with no big drops or surprises in sight.

Today I am enjoying this: