Thursday, March 4, 2010

In a funk

Sometimes, when life knocks you down and your stressed out and just in one of those down and out funky moods it's the smallest things that can suddenly catapult you out of the fog and shoot you straight towards the stars on a stream of pure happiness. Here is what did that for me this week:

It amazes me how this little boy can absolutely change my entire day. He is a 17 pound bundle of happiness and innocence and love and when he smiles at me nothing seems bad anymore. And I realize in these special and magical moments I share with him that everything is going to be ok, because I have him and I have S and we are healthy and in love and that is all that really matters.

I've been stressed out lately, mostly because of money, but I've also been letting the little things get to me. I beat myself up when I miss a day going to the gym. I feel like a failure as a wife because S is more likely to come home to take-out or sandwiches then a home-cooked warm meal. I feel like a bad mom because I forgot to take L's bottle to daycare. I don't want to let the not-so-good little things get to me, I want to enjoy all the wonderful little things that happen to us each day, but usually we are just too busy to see. That is what L does for me, he helps me see those little things that otherwise would have been missed. He does is a million times a day; when he crinkles up his cute little nose and smiles, when he sticks out his tongue and blows bubbles, and especially at night when his eyes get heavy and he is so warm and heavy and secure in my arms. It is in these moments that I realize that this is what life is about. It doesn't matter if I miss a day of running, and I'm probably never going to be suzy-homemaker with a pot roast on the table every night (and hey, S likes sandwiches), and L didn't even realize I forgot his bottle, he was perfectly happy eating pureed green beans.

So I'm going to actively start looking for the little wonderful moments in life, and I'm going to focus on my  family who I love so much it sometimes hurts. I'm going to stop feeling bad about little things and instead just focus on being happy. And when I feel myself starting to take a nosedive into one of those funky moods, I'm going to look to L and S and stop myself before I even get there. There will still be bad days and stress, but I'm going to try to ignore those moments and focus on the good days.

And if anyone else is having one of those "blah" days, here's something to pull you out of it. Because nobody can feel down when they look at pictures of cute, happy babies.

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