Thursday, February 18, 2010

My confession

If there are any feminist out there reading this, please get your matches and undergarments prepared, you are probably going to want to throw your burning bras at me. Here is my confession: my ultimate goal is to be a housewife/stay-at-home-mom. I realize that this is not very modern of me, but it is 100% true. After L was born I got four months of maternity leave and I loved ever single second of it. I did not want to return to work. I have talked to other moms, and even friends who don't have children yet, that are not keen on the idea of staying home. They don't want to put careers on hold, they think they would get bored, they would miss adult conversation/companionship. I am not one of these people.

My parents would cringe (or cause me bodily harm) if they heard me say this, since they paid for four year of college for me, but I really don't have any career goals. I work in an office setting, and I'm good at my job, but I don't really care about it. I don't take work home, I don't think about work when I'm not there. I quite literally am working to live and most definitely not living to work.

When I was in college I had aspirations of moving to New York or San Diego or LA as soon as I graduated and basically becoming the next "sex-and-the-city" poster girl. (AKA Carrie Bradshaw) But this fantasy consisted of fabulous shoes, an amazing wardrobe, cocktails and parties with friends every night and a continuous string of handsome men to date. I assumed that somewhere in there I would fit in work, mostly so I could pay for this fantasy life, but in true fantasy form my job was going to be something along the lines of people paying me ridiculous amounts of money to attend parties, go to long "work" lunches and wine and dine with important people.

But, whether this life would have ever become a reality or not (probably not), I chose a different path. S and I moved to Phoenix after college, got married and soon afterwards had L. We have a mortgage payment and bills, diapers to buy, and our idea of a crazy night is buying a 12 pack. I still have fabulous shoes and great clothes, but mostly I lounge around in sweats or yoga pants, my "going-out" clothes have been regaled to the back of the closet for the rare occasions I go out with the girls. But I have 2 incredibly handsome men in my life (my husband and son) and I would not change anything about my life. (except maybe get rid of the mortgage payment and bills!)

Occasionally I still see an episode of Sex and the City and get a longing, or watch an episode of Grey's anatomy or Drop Dead Dive and think; "I should be a nurse! I should be a lawyer!". But I really don't want that. I want to spend days at home with my son, I want to go to pilates class in the morning and have lunch/playdates with other moms. I want my house to be spotless because I am home all day to keep it clean. I want to greet my husband every night with a glass of wine and a home cooked meal (I will have to learn to cook first, but that is besides the point).

Unfortunately, this is not a possibility right now. We need my measly part-time salary. And I know that I am very lucky I only have to work part-time, and I am getting the best of both worlds. But one day I will realize my dream of being a SAHM and full-time housewife. I will learn how to cook and "Martha-Stewart" my way through crafts and cleaning. I will bake cookies for my children and their friends and make it to the gym 6 days a week.

And, of course, I will do it all while wearing fabulous shoes.

1 comment:

  1. I completely agree with you 100%

    Three years ago I was obsessed with the fact that I'm almost finished with my masters degree (which still remains incomplete) and I was a wonderful teacher making money. I had money that mainly went to clothes and shoes. Oh, how I miss buying clothes!

    Now, I stay at home (and when my students loans come out of deferment in July) I'll be paying over $400 per month for my student loans. Awesome.

    Let me tell you what I've learned though... I LOVE being a SAHM. It's so suiting for me in this season of life... and it's so worth it. It's HARD having literally NO money... but somehow we've made it work, and for now... that is what I'm trying to do. There are for sure days when I want to rip my hair out for staying at home, but all in all, I think it's worth it.

    I too, never though I'd say this. You are sooo lucky that you only have to work part time!

    Now... we just need to figure out how to strike a fortune together and never work, and never pay bills!